Pain and Emotions

I was unsure whether to blog my feelings but if I can’t be honest with how I feel then what’s the point.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, along with getting that horrendous pain in my chest, you know the one that makes you feel like your heart is breaking. All because I had worked myself up about my HMS.

After 3 years of living with chronic pain and not being able to do everything I used to be able to you would have thought I’d come to terms with it… 3 years is a long time. But no, I still torture myself about it.

Next week il be going to Thorpe Park and whereas I can go on rides to a certain point, I know that come a few hours in il be struggling with standing in the queues and I get very tired so quick. I hate that I can’t simply enjoy being out with friends the way I used to be.

The winter is the worst, I can hardly move when I get a flare up and I tend to have quite a few that can last up to 2 weeks each.

I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, I have good friends who suffer with the same and I know we have to get on with it, but it still doesn’t stop the feelings and the tears and fear that I cannot do what I used to do, I’m not that old although I feel about 60 some days.

Sorry to go on, I’m just having a low day and needed to get it out. Il be ok tomorrow.


2 thoughts on “Pain and Emotions

  1. Please don’t ever feel bad for feeling low about your HMS. You’re allowed. You’d go crazy if you lived your life trying to avoid the thoughts and feelings.

    Sometimes, there is nothing better than to curl up in your PJs or your all-in-one :p and have a relax, and a blinking good cry if you need it.

    3 years isn’t long hun. Its not long at all. Please don’t torture yourself. 30 years still isn’t that long when it comes to getting to terms with disabilities.

    Massive cwtches hun, remember we are all here for you if you ever fancy a moan / a cry / to shout at someone

    ❤ xxx

  2. What I said in my comment to your previous post still applies. I cannot tell you how much I admire your courage and how you continue to do as much as you can for yourself and your family. You are a wonderful woman and having a bad day emotionally or physically doesn’t take away from that. Lots of love and hugs xxx

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