I was unsure whether to blog my feelings but if I can’t be honest with how I feel then what’s the point.
Last night I cried myself to sleep, along with getting that horrendous pain in my chest, you know the one that makes you feel like your heart is breaking. All because I had worked myself up about my HMS.
After 3 years of living with chronic pain and not being able to do everything I used to be able to you would have thought I’d come to terms with it… 3 years is a long time. But no, I still torture myself about it.
Next week il be going to Thorpe Park and whereas I can go on rides to a certain point, I know that come a few hours in il be struggling with standing in the queues and I get very tired so quick. I hate that I can’t simply enjoy being out with friends the way I used to be.
The winter is the worst, I can hardly move when I get a flare up and I tend to have quite a few that can last up to 2 weeks each.
I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, I have good friends who suffer with the same and I know we have to get on with it, but it still doesn’t stop the feelings and the tears and fear that I cannot do what I used to do, I’m not that old although I feel about 60 some days.
Sorry to go on, I’m just having a low day and needed to get it out. Il be ok tomorrow.