I wrote the following when Luke was just 1 month old. I hadn’t properly got into blogging at the time so I just had it on my computer. Just reading through it has brought back so many memories, of which I thought I would share with you all.
March 2010 –
Words cannot express the feeling I get watching my 1 month old baby son cuddled in my arms feeding, it’s unlike any feeling I have felt before.
When he was born I cannot say I felt the sudden rush of love that is talked about, I guess under the circumstances that he was born. But every day watching him, my bond gets stronger and stronger.
L made a rather unexpected arrival 6 weeks early.
I dragged myself off to the doctors on the Thursday afternoon, just because I didn’t feel ‘right’ but I couldn’t put my finger on it. All was checked and I was given a green light. But as I was 33+6 weeks pregnant I was sent up to the hospital just to put my mind at rest.
I came home first and got ‘ready’ and dad dropped me up the hospital for what I expected to be a few hours of wasted time being monitored, and yes everything appeared fine, baby, my heartrate, everything… I was all set to be home snuggled in my bed when just before I was about to go the doctor decided to do a quick internal exam.. That was it. No home. I was 3cm dilated. At this point I got very scared, I didn’t know what this meant, was I having my baby? No one could say. I was given a steroid injection for my babys lungs and just waited being monitored. 4 hours later the doctor came back and this time I was 4cm! Definatly not going home I was told but other than not feeling well, I wasn’t contracting at all.
I was moved from the labour ward to the antinatal ward and cue a very uncomfortable and miserable night of no sleep and worry what was to happen.
The morning came and I was given my second steroid injection.
The registrar came to see me and I was told no one would ‘examine’ me as it could trigger active labour and as I was only 34 weeks that was the last thing they wanted to do.
As I live 30 minutes away from the hospital I was told it was too much of a risk to go home and that their guess was it was 50/50 that I would have my little boy within 2 days but likewise it could be weeks and whatever it would be , I couldn’t go home until he was born.
I was very distressed by this as I don’t fare well in hospitals.
The nurses arranged a tour around the special care baby unit as this is where my baby would spend his first days should he arrive under 36 weeks.
Saturday night after seeing my parents and my friend, I had a shower and had my new nightie on so felt better, until I discovered a rash all over me, the nurses just said it was warm in the room but I knew something wasn’t right. I also was in alot of pain everytime the baby moved inside me but nothing was showing on the monitor so the nurses hushed me by giving me 2 paracetamol and a codeine. A few hours passed and I was getting a horrible back ache and also lost a tiny bit of blood. For me to complain about pain it takes alot and I also felt bad so I got up and walked, in pain, to the nurses station and this time I was fobbed off with 2 sleeping tablets… O hobbled back to my bed and took the tablets and tried to sleep. About 30 minutes later I was getting strong pains in my back, in waves and it was enough to make me sob so I pressed the call bell. I was strapped up to a baby monitor again and again nothing showed on the monitor! I thought I was going crazy! But by now I was in so much pain I was moaning alot and sobbing through each wave.
The registrar was finally called and I was examined and to everybodys shock I was 8cm and in established labour! All my contractions were in my back, mirroring my mothers labour with me. I called my mum as my DH was too far away to get there in time and I was wheeled through to CDS in quite a hurry. This was about 1am…
I’m glad things happened the way they did until this point as it was all very quick and I hadn’t had time to think about what was happening, however I was now fighting the 2 sleeping tablets!
My mum and dad arrived, dad went for a walk and mum stayed while I was given a shot of pethidine and sucked on the gas and air like there was no tomorrow!
I remember trying to sleep between contractions but it wasn’t working!
The funniest moment was when I actually pulled the gas and air mouthpiece apart during a contraction and I was shouting help, help me lol!!
I also was making a very strange noise while I was pushing! But other than that I was silent!
The sting as I pushed was unbearable but at 3:39am out popped his little head, followed closely by his body at 3:40am, my little valentines suprise!
I had 2nd degree tears from where the little monkey had his hand up by his face as he came out.
Also somehow as I was pushing, I managed to set my iPhone up to record and pass it to my mum who captured the amazing first minutes of my sons life, cutting the cord and my first cuddles. It’s so amazing to watch and I feel so blessed to have that to keep forever as not everybody get to keep those minutes.
I was wheeled off for a lavender bath as my baby was taken to S.C.B.U to be checked over and an hour or so later I was taken down to see him.
He was so gorgeous and I got some amazing pictures.
Mum had to rush off and meet dad (who had popped in straight after I’d had my little one and had tears in his eyes bless him) and then they drove to Epping to pick my husband (of only 2 weeks!!!) up and bring him back to meet his son!
I stayed in hospital a few days but L stayed in for 10 heartbreakingly long days where he underwent many tests, 3 lumbar punctures, 7 days of IV antibiotics, 2 sunbed sessions and had a horrid cannular and a heel that looked more used than a pin cushion! But finally on February 24th after a night in a room with him we were finally able to bring him home where he belongs.
Skip forward to now and he is exactly one month old. He is the best achievement I have ever had, he brings me such joy when I feed him or change him (he doesn’t like that bit however!)
He is the most photographed baby I know! It also melts my heart to see him with his daddy and I love my 2 boys so much.
Now we have a house and we are furiously working to do it up so we can move our little family in. But of all the things I know, I know I’m in love.