So this isn’t directly baby related but I feel the need to vent.
Iv’e never been good at pacing myself and in my ‘older age’ i’m still no better. In may 2008 I was diagnosed with Hypermobility Syndrome, meaning my joints move further than the ‘norm’.
I was always an active person, dance, drama school, judo, scouts, canoeing, ab sailing, you get the picture but as I started developing pains my activity level started going down and I started to gain weight.
When I became pregnant with Luke my body was not in the condition to get pregnant and I knew that but I was yearning for a child before my fear of not being able to care for it became a reality, I was terrified the older I got the worse my health would be.
During my pregnancy I had bad SPD on top of the already horrendous pain I was suffering and by 7 months pregnant I could no longer walk around shops or even get myself out of bed without a great struggle. It was very hard.
Once Luke was born (6 weeks early due to my joints not being able to hold him in anymore) I felt great, like I was miraculously ‘healed’ but that good feeling dissapeared when he got to 10 weeks and I was once again in pain, having flare ups and drugged to the eyeballs with painkillers.
I guess this post isnt to have a moan about the fact I have got this condition, I’m gradually being able to accept it, but the thing that gets me down is ‘pacing’ myself. I can’t do this… how can anyone do this when they are sole carer of a baby? I have to see the nurse specialist to help and i’m also being refered for weight loss surgery to help take the strain off my joints. Its all scary but I know it will help in the end. I want to be able to run around with Luke and be carefree and imaginative and at the moment I just dont have the energy. I’m tired so easily.
If there is one thing i could help get across to people is that a disability isn’t always visible. Don’t judge people, I struggle to hold on on the bus, I need help crossing big roads, I can’t carry heavy shopping etc..
I love my little boy so much but for his sake as well as mine, for now, I NEED to slow down.